*sigh*

Creative title huh? Meh.

Days like today lead to nights like tonight...I'm fucking sick of it. I spend so much of my time assurin people things will get better for them, being there to tell them not to worry about the stuff that's got them done, to keep moving forward to keep soldiering on...and to their credit it does work out. Things get better and they are happy and content and that's great. Never think I'm not happy for someone when they succeed, you couldn't be more wrong if you thought I wasn't happy when I see a friend succeed at something! 

But then there's me. I've been out of uni and unemployed for what is fast approaching 11months.....nearly a whole fucking year!! What the hell man? I joked that if I got to being unemployed for a year then I need to seriously re-evaluate my life...looks like I should get an early start huh? The rate things are going I'm going to get stuck in that ever so delightful loop of "you need experience for this job" but I can't get the experience because no-one is willing to give it. Not even for free. Least not in my area. 

Then there's the whole "do you drive?" Question. What does it matter? I'm unemployed so I can't afford to drive even if I could drive. So how would that help exactly? 

I guess I fell victim to the trap of going to uni and coming out with a degree and thinking "shit yeah, here I come professional world!" But not realising that THAT is exactly what every other science graduate in my year is thinking. So now you've got what...20,000? New scientists all looking for work and maybe a handful of graduate roles available. Long odds huh? 

Hell I can't even apply for most internships because the pay is terrible and I shit you not I'm "over-qualified" but I'm too inexperienced to get a real job so here I am stuck in limbo....to skilled to get an internship and too fresh to get a job. What the hell am I supposed to do? (Wow I'm really throwing out the rhetorics today huh?) 

Yeah...anyone reading this is probably going to think "get over yourself" and to be honest yeah, I probably agree. But after a year, a whole fucking year, I'm just so fucking tired. I've got a degree that I'm still yet to utilise except when people ask me questions in conversation and I can give an answer...that's it. My degree has essentially given me the ability to create small talk.

Best 9 grand I ever spent. 

Stars above...

You know, I thought I was doing well? Ever since my ex broke up with me I've been trying my hardest to be more optimistic...and I thought I was doing a good job of that....guess I was wrong once again.

I'm just so fucking tired of trying so hard and getting nowhere. All I keep getting is shit from my parents like I'm not trying to find a job. Like I'm enjoying being sat around....yeah for the first month maybe it was fun....but after 12? Urgh...just wish I knew what to do...well I know what to do, but the how appears to be beyond my capacity at every turn.

Like I said. Days like today lead to nights like tonight where I'm finding it real hard to care about anything....there's only so many times you can get knocked back before beginning to wonder "why even bother?"

Whistler

So last time I said about how my new plan is to get my old job and save the money to learn to snowboard and head off to Whistler in Canada? Well that hasn't changed. It won't change. It can't change. 

I've had many different life ambitions over the years, I wanted to be a member of an F1 pit crew, a games designer, a CSI, a sniper and a whole host of other things as well...but the one thing that has never changed has been my desire to learn to snowboard. A couple years ago I made a post talking about a snowboarding game that came out called SSX, it was another instalment of the SSX snowboard series from EA and arguably one of the best games they have released recently. 

SSX was the spark of this life long ambition for a pretty meaningless skill that you can only use occasionally and in certain areas. It's something I've always wanted to do ever since I played the first one of those games when I was like 6 years old. Why? Because it looks cool. That's literally the reason. Yeah it might be dangerous but it looks so cool! You get to spend all day playing in the snow up a mountain surrounded by breath taking views! What's not to love?

I don't really know why I'm writing this to be honest. No-one reads this, I don't publish it anywhere. My dream is still to learn to snowboard but I would still like to get into medical research or something along those lines while I'm waiting to have the money saved up. That's what it comes down to. Why haven't you done it yet? Because I haven't been able to afford it. Why aren't I doing it now? Because I still can't afford it. 

Rest assured the whole none of you that read this, I WILL do this, it's not an IF, it's a WHEN. I may not be off doing all these crazy adventurous things just yet, but I will be doing it just as soon as I can afford it. Just watch. I may not become important or well known but I'm determined to ride the Great Wall, see the northern lights, climb a mountain and a whole bunch of other stuff I've been waiting for the means to go out and do. There's a time and a place or everything. You just gotta wait for the right one.

Not all of them are big things, some are quite mundane, like meeting my favourite authors, learning to whistle properly (this one is actually getting somewhere) and being able to run a mile and a half in less than 10minutes. It's a simple goal and again I'm getting there, currently my best time is 12mins or something similar but it's been a couple months so I need to get back into practice.

I also need to visit New Zealand to see the sets for Lord of the Rings...don't let me forget that one.

Oh yeah, I also got shortlisted for an interview at a hospital in lincoln. That's pretty awesome and hopefully what I need to start off my adventures. I'm not saying I'm gunna be the next Bilbo Baggins, but I certainly plan on going on an adventure soon!

6 Months

Okay. Here's the plan. 6 months and I'm out of here. Raise the money working a shitty job to go to Canada and learn to snowboard/get my instructors qualifications. Spend the ski season out on the slopes. 

Step 1. Get old shitty job back.

Step 2. Use the "1-Day Learning to Snowboard" voucher the ex got me (yeah, me and Jess broke up. It sucks, I'm dealing with it. I think.)

Step 3. Save the money so that I can leave when I want to.

Step 4. Attend the two weddings I'm meant to be here in the UK for. 

Step 5. Get the hell out of here and start to learn Whistler Mountain like the first 151 pokemon.

Sound good? I mean hell, it's not like I've got any huge reasons to stick around here. Family are family no matter where I am in the world and keeping in touch with friends is a breeze thanks to facebook, skype and international call packages.