I finished Uni 4 months ago and it's left me with way too much time trapped inside my own head. Too much time to think about everything I've done, everything that's gone wrong and what my future now holds...the worst part? After four months of nothing but thinking I've learned 3 things; 1. You are never not thinking about something, there's always a thought in your head. 2. I'm terrified of what happens now, and 3 (which is kinda the same as 2). I have absolutely no idea where I want to go, what I want to end up doing...where I plan to go with my life...and that scares me for a whole host of reasons....
First off, I see all these people from my year that have left uni and gone straight into something, knowing exactly what they want to do, where they want to be and I can't help but think "Should I be the same?" I mean it's not like I'm not trying to find work, I am but so far the only luck I've had is a call centre selling solar panels and a company up in Lincoln that shortlisted me for interview and then turned me down before I even had an interview. So as we can see things are going great there. Then I'm sat here thinking "why don't I know what I want to do? What could I do? What do I want to do?" And I can't seem to answer any of those questions...except part of the last one.
I want to help people, I'm always trying to help people, I like to think I'm good at it and that I always put other people before myself. But what can I do to help people? I'm trying to find work in hospital labs doing whatever technician work they have but I'm having no luck at all. That would be helping people wouldn't it? Running tests and stuff? I'm not exactly a people person after all, hardly suited for dealing with people directly, but I could at least help find out what's wrong. Of course I've always been interested in renewable energy, so I'd love to get into maybe R&D for that but I'm not an engineer, not a material scientist, so again I'd be doing testing for stuff, which I'm happy with, it's just impossible to find the work...
Slowly this whole unemployment thing is driving me insane. It's giving me way too much time to think about everything, who I am, what am I going to do and all the other stuff that's happened to me recently...let's just say that right now my hea isn't the place I want to be but so far all my attempts to do something about it have failed horribly. I'm feeling pretty shitty right now...
I've always had an interest in snowboarding (mentioned that before) so I was give the idea of maybe making something of that, which is all well and good but I need the money to get out there and learn and take an instructors course. Something that we've seen is pretty damned hard to do at the moment...
I don't know, like I've said, right now I'm in a bad way and nothing seems to be getting any easier. Job applications being ignored left, right and centre meaning I've got nothing to bring me out of my head, leaving me to stew in my thoughts...on te bright side though at least I've managed to catch up on all the TV I had to watch...that's something right..?
No comments:
Post a Comment