It's been 5 months now since I left University, been 2 months since I graduated from said University, and I'm still no closer to being employed anywhere in anything close to what I want to be doing. I had an interview for a job a week or so ago but it wasn't what was advertised and I wouldn't get to do what I want to be doing so I turned it down. I'm beginning to think it was a bad idea....but there's no point in doing something you don't want to be doing right? And they didn't want someone there who didn't plan on being there long so surely it wasn't that bad an idea, was it? I don't know, but hey you can't go through life looking back on every decision and dwelling on the what ifs, it's not healthy...I'm a living testament to that right now....
They say "beggars can't be choosers" (don't ask me who, pretty much everyone knows that one) and yeah they're probably right but I'm not looking to get myself sucked into some dead end job...I'm looking to build a career you know? Everyone keeps telling me to find a job to tide me over until I find something I want to be doing but I'm pretty sure I've exhausted my window of opportunity with the one job I actually did have for taking me back. I'm thinking "If I go back now, they'll think I've failed and am only coming back as a last resort." which although technically true they wouldn't appreciate that. It wouldn't be fair on them or me. "But Spud! Life isn't fair!" Yeah, I guess not but I don't wanna have to do something I don't want to be doing and didn't enjoy. Plus if I was able to go back there then there's always the fear that I won't be motivated to find something else...I know me, I'm like that.
Right now I just feel like I've let everyone down, I came out of Uni expecting to be able to find something in my field in the place I want to be and so far all I've gotten has been two interviews for jobs that didn't turn out to be what I wanted them to be. Now I'm sat here sending out application after application trying hard just to get my foot in the door with absolutely no success! It's demoralising to say the least...and that's not even mentioning the rejection emails, when they even think to email you at all! There's only so many times you can open an email and read "We're sorry to inform you...." before you start thinking "What's the point?". I know I'm not an optimistic person, never have been, but I'm pretty hard to knock down...right now I'm down and I'm not even sure where to start pulling myself back up...go to Uni they said...
And that's only half of whats going on up in this mess of a head of mine, the other half I really can't write down as that might actually get read and get me further up a certain creek than I'd like without any form of buoyancy than I'd like...
AND I've got a spare gig ticket for a band I've been dying to see for ages but no one to go with, which is a pretty small thing in comparison to everything but it's not exactly helping.
Anyone reading this is probably sat there thinking "Jesus Christ man, lighten up!" and you're right, I need to stop looking at the negatives and start focusing on the positives in my life....just wish that list wasn't so fucking small....hey ho, it'll all work out in the end right?
No comments:
Post a Comment